Create space, get results: accountability to yourself first

What if nothing needs fixing?

A high-performing midlife tech leader I worked with in my mindset coaching practice arrived carrying a familiar weight.

He assumed responsibility at work and at home, but his own rest was optional, and his focus felt scattered.

He measured progress by whatever was on fire and called that high standards.

During the session, we slowed things down and examined a simpler lens that cuts through the noise.

In the session, I said, "A better measurement would be, 'Is this accountable for what I need? For my health, for my well-being, for my outlook, for my mindset, for my mood.”

That single question became the compass that he can now use as in-the-moment guidance..

The trap: survival mode and lag indicators

When you are in survival mode, your attention narrows.

You sprint toward what looks urgent and miss the obvious supports beside you.

In the session, I explained with the analogy, “If you're lost in a desert and you see a mirage, you have to stay focused on it. You think, if I take my eyes off of it, it might disappear. There could be a fountain to your right, but if you’re only looking straight ahead… you’re going to walk by it.”

Survival mode also skews how you measure progress.

You grade yourself by lag indicators, such as numbers, messages, and fires put out.

Those tell you yesterday’s weather.

What you actually need are lead indicators that you can choose on purpose.

Lead indicators might include taking a few breaths before tackling your inbox, setting one minimum win early in the morning, maintaining a boundary that protects a value, and scheduling a short block of no-expectations time.

When those are solid, results follow.

The switch: create empty space on purpose

To interrupt the loop, I asked my client to try a simple weekend with no performance attached. No laptop heroics. No “earning” rest. Just room to let the system settle. Maybe even have fun!

He noticed that time spent with family felt easier, and the connection was more satisfying than he had expected.

Physiologically, that matters because a calm baseline restores judgment.

In the session, I said, “Your whole system has got to relax and come out of fight or flight… that’s a reset that your mind and body both need.”

From there, we used one short line that steadies the day.

In the session, I suggested pausing for the thought, “I am okay. Everything is okay right now. I am allowed to take this break, whatever it looks like. And sometimes, three deep breaths can be all it takes.”

When he considered that reset, he saw choices he could not see when he was rushing.

The belief reframe that unlocks momentum

I teach a belief that is bold and practical at the same time. “Everything is always working out for me.”

That is not magical thinking. It is directional thinking.

Whatever you focus on grows. In the session, I said, “Whatever we think about, we’re going to see evidence of it.”

That belief does not erase red lights. It changes what they mean. As I put it, “I almost always hit green lights. If it turns out to be yellow or red… I’m so happy that it gives me a chance to be in this moment to notice more of where I am, change the music, know there's no rush.”

Accountability to yourself, then everyone else

This is grown-man accountability:

Put your own oxygen mask on so the version of you that shows up for others is steady.

In the session, I verbalized the unspoken understanding. “When you make sure your needs are met, then those around you are going to get the best of you.”

Here is how you can apply it this week.

Four lead indicators to track for seven days:

1. Breath before inbox. Take three slow breaths before you open email. You are telling your nervous system that you are safe and ready to think.
2. Minimum win by 10 a.m. Choose one 15-minute task that truly moves the ball and finish it before midmorning.
3. Boundary that protects a value. Example. No calls before 9:30, so you can be present for the school run or deep work.
4. Five minutes of no expectations time after lunch. Sit, breathe, and let your system reset. You think better after you downshift.

Track these four inputs and watch what changes.

You are choosing the levers that lead the day instead of grading yourself by whatever landed in your lap.

The transformation

By pointing accountability at himself first, creating space, and measuring lead instead of lag, my client’s energy and outlook stabilized. Decisions got cleaner. Pressure dropped. Results followed.

Try it today.

Start with a deep breath and one line. I am okay. Everything is okay right now.

Then pick the smallest next move that keeps you accountable to yourself.

Want a simple way to spot your lead indicators?

Download my Confidence Scorecard.

When you are ready for deeper work, Book a free Mindset Reset Session.