Why You Always Expect the Worst (Even When Things Are Fine)

In July, I was finishing up a pet sit and due to fly home when the news started reporting a possible airline strike. Before long, the airline was sending me messages suggesting I move my flight.

I was practicing noticing where my mind was going, which was straight to the worst-case scenario, while also knowing that nothing had gone wrong and it would all work out. Then the strike started two days before my flight, and I had a few moments of panic. I researched other ways to get back to Edmonton because I had a commitment that Friday and was flying out again on Saturday. I even considered skipping the trip home altogether and renting a car to drive straight to my next pet sit, just to be sure I'd be there on time.

The strike was resolved the morning before my flight, and my flight left right on time, exactly as scheduled. I had spent a lot of time and energy worrying and trying to figure out what I should do.

It's a version of a thought I hear all the time: "Anything could happen today, and it's probably going to be terrible, so I'd better be ready."

A lot of us spend a surprising amount of our time right there. Something good is on the horizon, a new idea, a plan we're excited about, a conversation that could go well, and before we've even let ourselves enjoy it, the brace kicks in: this probably isn't going to work out.

From the inside, it feels like being prepared. If I expect the bad thing, at least it won't catch me off guard.

What bracing for the worst actually costs

Think about how much energy goes into it. Wanting something and immediately adding "but it probably won't happen." Running through what you'll do if the meeting goes badly, if the plan falls through, if the phone call brings bad news. Staying slightly on guard all day, just in case.

That's a lot of energy spent on things that mostly never happen. And when something does go sideways, all that rehearsing rarely makes it hurt less. It mostly means you spent the days beforehand feeling it in advance.

Meanwhile, the good possibility gets squashed before it has a chance. That'll never work. That's not practical. People like me don't do that.

It takes the same energy to want it

I said this on a coaching call recently, and I keep coming back to it. Why would we spend so much of our energy saying "I want it, but it probably isn't going to happen," when it takes just as much energy to say, I do want that!

The effort is the same. One version keeps you braced and tight. The other sounds more like I'm really excited to see how this works out, with ease and flow, at the right time, in a way where everybody benefits. From there, you get to just go along for the ride. (On the call, that's the point where I was smiling, laughing, and doing a little jig. Pretty fun.)

This matters beyond how it feels in the moment. What we think is what we believe, and what we believe is what shows up. Repeat "this probably isn't going to work out" often enough, and it becomes a belief, and then we start seeing proof of it everywhere: the delay, the no, the thing that didn't land. The things that did land barely register, because they don't fit the story we have in our head.

Let's see what happens

This is a small shift, and it leaves room for the worry to be there too. When you catch the brace, this probably won't work, try answering it with something more open: Is it possible that it will work? Well, I don't know. Let's see what happens.

Maybe today's the day something you didn't expect shows up out of the blue, and it's even better than what you were wishing for. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. You're just gathering data. Either way, you spent the day open to feeling more positive in the moment.

That's loosening the grip on one specific belief: that expecting the bad thing is what keeps you safe.

If the bracing feels constant and heavy, or you can't set it down no matter what you try, that's worth talking through with a doctor or therapist as well.

A lot of this bracing starts with the scripts we write for how things are supposed to go. How to Stop Letting Unmet Expectations Ruin Your Day looks at where those scripts come from.

Want somewhere to start? Grab the free guide: 10 Micro-Habits to Reset Your Mindset. Ten small habits that quiet your head in five minutes. Use one tonight.